Hope

This morning I awoke with a feeling that I have not experienced in many months. A feeling of hope and excitement about the future. A feeling like things will get better. A feeling like I will be able to enjoy the sunshine, beautiful days, shopping for baby items, and preparing to meet my daughter.

I am not sure when the grey cloud descended on me but I know being apart from Joe, being in command, school, Jenavieve's death, and then trying to figure out how I would balance being a geographically single mother while still in the Army Reserves all played a part. I've known for a while that the cloud was there but did not want to talk about it or admit that I was very stressed and probably depressed. Instead, I trudged through each day without looking forward to the next.

The changing point came in March when the offer Joe and I put on a house here was not accepted and then later that week I was in the hospital very briefly for something related to the pregnancy. It was then that I decided to make some changes in my life that would remove a lot of the stress. Joe and I gave up the house search in CA and decided that I should move back to MN to live with my parents this summer. I will have a lot of family and some friends there to help me with the transition to being a mom while Joe finishes up his next year in Korea. I will also be giving up command in CA as a result, which takes another huge load off of me. I really like my unit and my Soldiers and it is hard to leave them, but I am also looking forward to not having to worry about not doing enough for them. Finally, I will be putting in my paperwork to transfer to the Individual Ready Reserve (IRR). That way, while Joe is in Korea our daughter and I have a lot more freedom and flexibility to go see him more frequently and for longer stretches of time. I am not sure the dates of when I will give up command and when I will be allowed to transfer to the IRR, but hopefully it will be sometime this summer or early fall at the latest. Things are finally looking up.